Some stupid thoughts on Oscar night 2013 … à la Seth.

Many guys would like to date a movie star.; not I. I just saw the red carpet  introductory show and I know I’m not rich enough to afford one of them. *sigh*

Paperman won! It’s logical! A digital movie about paper planes. Since no writer uses paper anymore, will kids fold a tablet or cellphone in class from now on?

It’s unfair Life of Pi won Best Visual Effects though cuz small secret : the tiger was real!

Diet Coke’s motto : Stay extraordinary? Get real! Ambrosia is extraordinary; the rest is colored water!

Good thing the commercials are so loud; it wakes me up from time to time . . . zzzzzzzz… huh? What? Ford got an Oscar? OMG!

Claudio Miranda got Best Cinematography … and best hair too; the ladies were so jealous!

Anna Karenina  winning Costume Design is ridiculous : Keira Knightley would look good in a potato sack?

Why did Les Misérables get Best Makeup? My kid can put dirt on his face ten times better and twice as fast?

If they made wallpaper out of Halle Berry’s skin, I’d sure buy some! It would add warmth to my crummy studio!

Have you seen the compendium of scenes from 50 years of movies as they honored the James Bond franchise? Shorter and more intense than some of its parts, I swear!

Tommy Lee Jones was a darn convincing cowboy/farmer in that investment company ad. It’s so unfair he did not get a nomination for it.

I’m glad Inocente gets the Award for Documentary Shorts but I would have cut that statuette in five, personally! Thanks all for the humanity! You’re all winners in my book!

I feel so old! When Searching for Sugar Man won Best documentary, I thought I saw … no, not a pussycat but rather Frank Sinatra in the audience applauding politely?

Too bad Les Misérables was entirely shot in UK studios, Paris would have made a grand setting for it! . . . What? What did I say?
Oh, well! At least they got Best Sound; we all know how horrible Victor Hugo’s writing was anyhow! 😎

A tie? Zero Dark Thirty and Skyfall shared Sound Editing … which left them with around 20 seconds each for their acknowledgment speeches!

Christopher Plummer made jokes about his age. He’s entitled. He was in the first mummy after all!   ( No, not the movie! 😉 ) Chances are he may be in the last one made with real actors too but I’ll likely be dead myself by then! *Snif*

Best Actress in a supporting role? Anne Hataway. Sorry, no joke for that one! Or maybe ‘Hat a way to go? Her words were touching though, bravo Fantine!

Film Editing went to Argo and needs an explanation. The production bugs the studios for thousands of kilometers of celluloid and the directors bug the actors for months of crappy scenes. The film editors shorten that to something that makes sense and allows you to enter the theater on Friday eve and still be on time for work on Monday morning. More or less!

LOL, I spotted Jamie Foxx all serious and thinking about his income tax report! He’s right : that show is way too long! Movie reference for movie references, at some point, I thought I’d end up posting The Day After … Tomorrow. Here’s a new rule the Academy should adopt : the show cannot last longer than the longest nominated film does?

Cutie Nicole Kidman said Django Unchained was wicked! Of course mylady! I did not see it yet but I saw all of  Quentin’s other movies. Trust me; he can’t help that! 😀

Lincoln for Production Design? Of course! It was shot in Virginia. Had they filmed in true redneck country, they could have saved a bundle!

Just had to run to the bathroom so I missed it but Life of Pi won something; good for them! Soundtrack or score or something like that? Not best original song though, that went to Skyfall and Adele.

I’m glad Chris Terrio got the Oscar for Adapted Screenplay for Argo. Knowing Hollywood, I was sure Xerox would win it? Ooops, I did not say that! *whistles and walks away*

Quentin was rewarded for his creativity. ( Best Original Screenplay )  Isn’t that like an elephant being recognized for being big and grey? *facepalm*

Jane Fonda looked like Reese Witherspoon’s big sister ( who barely looks legal herself by the way ). Thank god for plastic surgery?

Ang Lee is this year’s Best director, somewhat unfair as he’s been that good for quite a long time.

Is it just me or is seeing Dustin Hoffman by Charlize Theron strange? I mean he played as convincing a woman in Tootsie as she does? Just kidding, she’s magnificent!

Best Actress was awarded to Jennifer Lawrence. That means no record for oldest or youngest as was possible. Plus she fell on the steps going up and I had to take out a great joke about boozed up actors on account of it since it was emotion … or fatigue, I’m not sure.

Yeah, Abraham Lincoln got Best Actor!!! huh? Strike that it was Daniel Day Lewis for the third time and THAT IS a record, hurrah! His speech was also funnier than this post, kudos mate!

Then two very surprising things happened : Jack Nicholson came around and actually got out of the way to share the limelight … with First Lady Michelle Obama? And that was not a spoiler as I then thought, : Argo got Best Picture!

And I’ll now quickly press the virtual Publish button, quickly less that day after joke stops being one. At least you guys got most of the results despite the lame puns. Good night, Tay.