Yesterday ( Friday February 22nd 2013 ), the Césars were being awarded in France. What are Césars, you may ask? Well, they are the French equivalent to the Oscars. And as their elder, they have a career honoring category to recognize a lifetime of work in the movie-making industry. Yesterday, it was Kevin Costner’s turn to see his enduring attempt at making us dream on the big screen celebrated.
It was as is often the case a touching moment. Both Kevin and his beautiful wife shed a few tears. Not an uncommon occurrence in such situations by far, you’ll say and I agree. So why do I think this is worth a post? Well, being lucky enough to understand the language ( as Kevin had the grace to use it for his speech ), something he said struck me! Here it goes :
Merci de m’accepter pour ce que je suis!
Which translates to : Thank you for accepting me for who I am.
Now, I don’t know who Kevin Costner really is since I never had the chance of meeting him. There are however two things that I know very well. First, it is a blemish on the face of our species that for all the power of the tool that allows us to exchange information and feelings called language, it pales in comparison to our uncanny ability to hide our true intentions. And second that it cannot compensate for the dark and hurtful thoughts that allow us to deny humanity in others, the greatest sin of all as Andy Ihnatko once called it.
I also think I know both sides of both of these problems. I am very sorry that I do but I could not sincerely state what I just did and what I am about to if it was not the case.
* * * * *
Lying and manipulating truth and intentions which amounts to the same is common. No one but a perfect being could be found exempt of them and of that too I am certain. It’s only in the degree to which we resort to either that we differ. Some of us lie routinely, almost without thinking about it. Some lie extremely rarely or only when we feel that there is no other possibility or choice. As the expression “little white lies” would have it, some resort to it as a way to spare unnecessary pain to others. And yet, who is to say what causes little pain and what not. Is lying by omission less of lie, for instance? Which is better : lying with all your might and full intent to hide that you ate the last cookie when no one went hungry as a result or lying by omission about a murder? In most cases not involving bodily or mind-shattering hurt, it may seem to be trivial but how does one know the harm done? It is after all the person being lied to that suffers, isn’t it and thus only the person being lied to that can answer! Even when we omit to express ourselves to supposedly spare hurt on others, how do we know it is correct?
It could be that your reasons to abstain from further discussion and exchange were excellent, that you thought or said something like :
-“Right now, ( please allow my shallowness the necessary time to overcome itself ) I just cannot promise to behave as I should at minima. Turmoil has taken over rational thought and love; I’ll go and look for them and come back to you. Were you to press on that you’d force more of that improper state out me which even as it would then be your fault would still engage my responsibility.”
But maybe that time when you refrained in fear that your words would be too harsh was precisely the right moment when blurted out sentiments would have brought realization of erroneous behaviour to the receiver and withholding forbade it?
Personally, having more often been accused of saying too much than too little, I came to just leave things and people as they stand in such instances and could not now for the love of anyone know which, when and how to choose. I still ponder it but I’ll just have to hope the balance was in the end positive.
Similarly, for the second option I mentioned, that of forgetting whomever you deal with is a sentient being as encumbered with a soul as you are yourself and just as entitled to all that derives from this state of being, motives vary but it remains unacceptable and chances are that we more or less all know that. Some, the rare strictly inhuman ones probably decide to ignore it to serve their interest. Those cannot be cured. But for the vast majority, it is not so. No, instead, we just succumb to one or the other of our defects of the soul when it happens. Mark lets greed take over. John bestows righteousness on himself over the perceived incomprehension of Joe. Bill justify his actions by the artificial difference in status that his society acknowledges to him. Here again it is greed and there lust and so on. It may even be utterly unconscious and yet … and yet someone suffers. Blind we are to the pain of the other because we, I; you know : ego!
Personally, having been at times bent over in moral pain caused to me to the point of wishing oblivion as a relief and having wondered then if my own actions had not brought the same to others, I can only hope never to come close to inflicting such but am just honest enough to know that I can’t ascertain it and so not promise as much; only cry sincerely that I’d rather die gladly than take the chance.
* * * * *
For again, I know two things very well. One, no amount of auto-reflection can assure that I will not fault. And two, a minimal amount of auto-reflection has to have taken place for one to feel this sincerely.
So, for the certitude that this auto-reflection took place in you until you could be publicly thankful for the recognition of you by others and man enough to let show, thank you, mister Costner!
That was very human of you and whether it sprang from suffering induced or endured, showing humanity is something that we will never have enough of down here.
Of that too, I am desperately sure, Tay.
Peace out.
Definitive Lapse of Reason 