You most likely heard about You and I, John Legend’s latest song video that tells women of all type that they are beautiful to their partner and supports OperationGirl, a campaign to strengthen women’ confidence and sense of self -worth. ( You will find links to it below the video at the end of this post )
In that video, the lyrics are as simple as can be and express softly that the partner of the women seen in front of their mirror, the singer character, finds his ( or her ) loved one perfect and most beautiful as they are That too them no one else compares, in short that beauty is in the eye of the beholder and that love magnifies that saying infinitely in their heart. Simple enough, isn’t it? And yet, there will always be someone to stupid to grasp the simplest statement and indeed someone missed it.
Never mind that the video shows women of all sorts, afflicted with cancer ( taking off her wig ), vitiligo ( the skin discoloration sickness that leaves the face mottled ) or Down syndrome or one crying as she shows the result of her mastectomy, “different” women : fat, transgender as Laverne Cox, though as the broken nosed roller derby player, lonely or older, HitFix writer Melissa Newman’s shallowness managed to sweep it all under the rug by concentrating instead on the fact that the video includes John Legend’s supermodel wife Chrissy Teigen.
Well, I beg to differ and have the chance to be many times qualified to answer that ridiculous rant. First of all because I don’t follow entertainment and people stuff. So that I had to Goggle not only Mrs Legend but also Laverne Cox whom I didn’t know and had not recognized as a male turned woman and even Tig Notaro ( another cancer survivor with mastectomy ). As such, I cannot be biased since I viewed the video first and identified the “actors” later. Second, I have had the relative luck of having more than one partner and of differing in looks, even by race. I also lived in more than one country on more than one continent which helps with diversity too. And lastly, I witnessed enough love stories outside of my own to know that there is hardly a pattern to be found. Armed with these, let’s scold Miss Newman.
“There’s exactly one woman in this video who apparently truly meets his standard and it is his super model wife.”
Well ma’am, that makes no sense whatsoever. If anything, the fact that John Legend can produce this song and video in the context of #OperationGirl a good thing then since it confirms that his personal luck in life does not make him blind to the plight and suffering of others and should be lauded but we can suppose that the song is also a personal word to his lover which is entirely his right. What’s more, the use of his “beautiful people” couple can then serve as a reference point : the lucky ones are but another variation of the statement that beauty is in the eye of the beholder and by their presence confirm that it is precisely not that beauty standard that is prevalent? He is thus saying that the beauty seen by the partners of the least standard fitting women in the video is NOT lesser than that of the cute guy writing it to his beautiful wife? So strike one for not noticing the value of apposition as an argumentative statement there.
There is also the slight problem of your using a cliche as counterpoint to an attack on their very worth. According to you, the fact that Chrissy Teigen is a supermodel goes against the grain of all women being beautiful in their own way? Well, well that is exactly what the video is all about : you are culprit of standard manichaeism in saying so. For you see, the brand that is a supermodel status is only valid in those that believe such nonsense as standardized beauty. Being a heterosexual man myself, I can confirm to you that many supermodel fall out of the range of beautiful for many men! More precisely, I am not even awed in any way by Chrissy Teigel’s beauty. Her body structure is admittedly quite correct but her face is not by my personal evaluation. And the beauty of saying this is that it does not matter since she is John’s preference and not mine? Real men and women with an inkling of autonomous thinking do not fall in love with societal diktats. Some like small breasts and would find Chrissy too well endowed. Some only appreciate blond hair and would not find Chrissy the right shade. Some like big women which fits neither miss Teigel nor me which again does not matter. They will shun the skinny girls and I am very glad that they are there to care for the stronger built ones. Beauty is, let’s say it again, in the eye of the beholder and that is perfect even and especially as bodies are not always? So strike two for using the most simplistic form of conformism to attempt to belittle the efforts of that rare one that fights it out loud.
And finally yes, as you quickly alluded to, even supermodels can be insecure about their looks. Because apart from narcissists, none of us believe themselves perfect. Furthermore, imperfection is the rule! Imagine if you will that we could fix perfection in height for example. If we said that 1m81 ( about 6 feet in the strange US measurements scheme ) is perfect then anyone under or over that mark is ugly? How much sense would that make? Even without precise markers in beauty, almost all of us would change some thing to their appearance to be “more beautiful”. It is a normal part of a maturing mind to come to relative peace with our flaws ( and the physical ones should not be the main concern ). Supermodels in fact often choose that line of work to assuage their insecurities in the matter only to find them reinforced by the stringent requirements of their professional environment which account for rampant anorexia and the likes. Again, by extending the range from his beautiful wife to women with clear “defects”, John Legend shows the variations in between to be all included in the storyline : you are beautiful to the only one that matters ( him or her ), your partner and the rest be damned. Love is indeed blind* or it is not love, period.
To confirm this, let me tell you about my buddy Stephan Ormal who years ago fell in love with this girl whom he thought the epitome of perfection in beauty. All of his friends, myself and my girlfriend at the time, ex-girlfriends of his and the rest of our gang were struck by the disturbed look that emanated from her person. We all tried to sincerely warn him and he disregarded our concerns until it was too late. The years did confirm the general opinion that she was mentally unstable and that it showed but the love-struck Stephan could not see it. So strike three for not having understood ( hopefully only temporarily for the sake of penning your piece ) that perfection not being of this world, it is learning to accept yourself and not becoming perfect that counts and that it affects us all.
About which I can now close on this before letting the video run : I don’t know if your gender allowed you to understand this but us men are not perfect either. We also come in all shapes and sizes and with all sorts of flaws and defects, from birth or acquired. We only have this going in our favor to escape the worries over beauty that are unjustly laden on women that society through sexism offers us an important range of palliatives. We are allowed to compensate for lack of beauty with strength or courage, intelligence or money and are told so young enough to adapt. But we still know that we are not perfect and only learn not to care to much. Which is why we don’t get it that our preferred gal is so obsessed by her looks but also why it is completely sincerely that we so easily find her so admirable when she doesn’t see it herself. That is not told as such in the song that is trying to correct the hardship inflicted on the girls in the name of beauty but it is an underlying truth of it.
So that as a man, I can complete the narrative and thus hopefully annul your ridiculous take on it, Melinda.
You are not held to perfection which is a transient and unattainable goal, girl but called to happiness. Do not let anyone prefer one over the other, hold my hand and check John’s beautiful video :
https://www.facebook.com/hashtag/operationgirl
https://twitter.com/hashtag/operationgirl
https://www.crowdrise.com/operationgirl
Women are not born lesser than men but other and that goes both ways anyhow, Tay.
Definitive Lapse of Reason 